It is a fact that every human behavior can be explained, an attachment style in relationships isn’t left out. The attachment style of a significant percentage of adults in relationships can be linked to parenting style and upbringing; parents should keep the next generation in mind when raising their children, and teenagers, A lot has gone wrong during the previous and present generations, families are crumbling, societal problems are on the high, the economy is in jeopardy, politically we are backward, this tells a lot about our mindset, and our mindset is as a result of the way we were brought up, we must agree that there is need for improvement, for us to actualize this, we must change our perception about a lot of things, and we should groom our children the right way.
Attachment in this context refers to the kind of relationship we have with our family (father, mother, siblings), the bond we share with the above-specified individuals, and how it is linked to how we relate with people emotionally and intimately when we are adults.
There are four different types of attachment styles, namely:
- Secured attachment: These are people who have optimum trust in their parents when lost they believe they would find answers from their parents, they grew up having both their emotional, psychological, and physical needs met by their parents, and to a great extent they feel loved, they are hardly confused. Little gestures like, a forehead kiss, a tight hug, and reaffirming to your kids with words that you love them go a long way to building confidence and self-esteem, making them feel safe, loved, secure, and assured. Growing up with such confidence and high self-esteem; This category of people go into intimate relationships with the right mindset, they feel accomplished, they don’t see themselves as less humans, the relationship is not a do-or-die affair to them, they love with all their heart when the relationship breaks up even when they are devastated, they acknowledge they have done their best, take healing steps and move on with their life, this is generally because their self-esteem is intact, they believe breakup is the partners lost.
- Anxious attachment: These are people, who grew up with parents or guardians who are inconsistent, They hardly know what to expect from their parents, so they keep negotiating in their mind before they approach parents, A few times they get love, attention, and affection from their parents, other times the response from parents are cold. Kids in this kind of category would exhibit some certain odd behaviors in other to get attention from their parents (For example they cry a lot). When they are adults they get used to these inconsistent behaviors, and exhibit them in their relationships, they could be very flirty, anxious, clingy, and always needy in their intimate relationship, they don’t have self-confidence, and probably don’t believe they are capable of being loved.
- Avoidance attachment: These are the kind of people who grew up believing that their needs would never be met, As kids their parents or guardians instill fear in them, they grew up in homes where no one cares about anybody, Nobody is ready to meet their emotional, psychological and physical needs, These are the kind of people that have probably not heard the sentence “I love you” from their parents, they have never gotten a big hug from parents. People who grow up this way are very defensive during intimate relationships, they don’t have so much emotion, and they most likely don’t know how to love, the breakup phase doesn’t mean anything to them, they move on immediately.
- The Disorganized attachment: People in this category possess the traits of both avoidance and anxious attachment, this could be a result of severe disorganization while growing up, this disorganization could be linked to exposure to physical abuse, trauma, sexual abuse, and rape e.t.c, These are the kind of people that can’t keep an intimate relationship, At some point they would need their partner and feel the need to love and be loved, at other points they want to be left alone with the believe they don’t need their partner.
