: THE THEORY OF MOTHER/FATHER IN-LAW RIVALRY
Abayomi is 45, married to Morohuntodun, yet his mum, Mama Abayo, cooks and send his soup to his house every Saturday, now, don’t get it twisted, this is not out of love, this is out of unnecessary mother/son attachment, a very dangerous trend in Africa. Usually, It’s a common norm in every part of the world for a female child to be attached to the father and vice versa for a male child and the mother. Unfortunately in Africa, it is beyond simple attachment, a lot of women see their son’s wife as their rival, while there are many troubled marriages and homes on fire as result of abnormal parental influence.
In normal childhood development, the phallic stage is the third stage of psycho-sexual development, at this stage, sexual gratification occurs through direct experience with the genitals. The phallic stage occurs between the age of three and seven years, during this stage a girl child develop a serious attachment to her father and the boy child to his mother.
Here is the point, at around age 6/7, a child moves on to the Latency phase where he/she will start forming attachment and friendship with his peers. The problem in Africa is that this stage is mostly not resolved, most children are fixated to this stage and moving on to form valuable and deeper relationship with the opposite sex becomes an issue. They can form the relationship quite alright, maybe out of necessity, but the unresolved psycho sexual phase will always come back to hunt them, a situation that no one talks about in this part of the world.
A Counselor who is well trained in psycho dynamics approach can explore her client to discover unresolved childhood issues affecting their life currently. The aim of psychodynamic counseling is to help clients to achieve insight and understanding around the reasons for their problems, and translate this insight into a mature capacity to cope with any future difficulties.
Oedipus Complex concept is derived from the Greek myth in which Oedipus unknowingly meets his mother, from whom he has been separated since birth, falls in love with her and kills the rival for her love, his father. During the Oedipal stage, (three to five years), a boy continues to be very attached to his mother and develops a wish to supplant his father in the mother’s affections. His fear of retribution, especially from the father, causes him to repress these incestuous feelings. When the boy relinquishes the mother to form other relationships with her and with the father, the Oedipal phase is resolved.
The Oedipal triangle – father, mother and child – applies equally to male and female children during this stage of the development. Feelings of intense rivalry are generated towards the parent of the same sex, who is the real love partner. The rivalry resurfaces during adolescence, to be finally resolved when the young person chooses a love partner.
The term Electra Complex, the female equivalent to the Oedipus Complex, is rarely used in modern psychoanalysis. The female child has an erotic attraction to her father, accompanied by hostility towards her mother, although the resolution of the conflict is different for male and female children.
According to Freudian thinking, a failure to resolve the Oedipal conflict invariably leads to difficulties with adult relationships.
Is your spouse tied to his/her parent’s wrapper? I bet you you might need to talk to a Counselor/Therapist.
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